New Year, New Mindset

Hello, friends! It’s been awhile, I know, and I’ve missed you. Welcome back to this very sporadic blog of mine. I’d also like to welcome you to 2020: the year of Barbara Walters and oh so many vision jokes.

It’s so exciting and invigorating to have a fresh, shiny new year to explore. It’s like that feeling you get after brushing your teeth – you feel so clean, fresh and capable of anything. (Everyone else feels this way after brushing their teeth too, right? Not just me?)

I’ll admit, I’m a glutton for that New Year energy. I like to set goals, especially BIG goals, and I LOVE writing out New Year’s resolutions. For example, my 2019 resolutions list was a two-page, itemized document complete with bold headings, bulleted lists, check boxes and inspirational quotes. Some strong Rory Gilmore vibes over here.

The end of 2019 was incredibly busy for me, and busy in many of the right ways, but also delayed a chance for me to write out my resolutions for 2020, which kind of works out because…

Thus far 2020 hasn’t worked out the way I envisioned it to AT ALL. 😅

It’s been a weird, frustrating and challenging first week leaving me already emotionally exhausted. Based on the conversations I’ve had with friends, colleagues and strangers my sentiments about a rough start to 2020 appear to be on par for many others. Must be something in the water?

Part of my burnt-out feeling is caused by my own hand due to self-imposed pressure. This pressure can be motivating, but can easily be taken to an extreme. I’m still striving to strike a balance of self-imposed pressure in my life. Factors outside my control also contributed to the week. Not much to be done about those except learn how to weather those moments as they happen and devise strategies to weather them in the future.

Coincidentally I have the next two days off to regroup and reorganize. Opportune timing, Universe, thank you. One of my to-dos is carve my plan for 2020. To prepare I’m reflecting on my 2019 resolutions, the experiences I’ve had this past week and the experiences of those around me. Thinking of all that brings this quote to mind:

“Just because someone carries it well doesn’t mean it isn’t heavy.”   – Anonymous

A list of resolutions just doesn’t feel appropriate for me this year. I want this year to be more intuitively based and more introspective. I’m thinking a lot about the years I spent living in Asheville, NC and the emphasis the city places on mental health and overall well-being. It remains the only place I’ve lived that values and encourages personal well-being above anything else. I still plan to accomplish a lot, but I want to do it with the best mindset above all.

I plan to be pickier with my gigs and the ways I spend my time. I want to spend more time on my own, outdoors, and away from social media (which is tough with a career that values a social media presence). I want to metaphorically put down what I no longer need to carry. When I can’t put it down, I want to invite a buddy to help me shoulder the weight. I want to structure my days with mental health moments to ensure that 2020 clarity we’ve all been making puns about. I’m going to make these moments non-negotiables in my daily agenda. My schedule constraints will be different every day, but I know there’s always room for yourself. Some days there will be enough time to take a lackadaisical stroll through the park near my apartment. Other days my “me” moment may be driving from one gig to the next in complete silence. My friend Amanda suggested that one to me and it’s honestly brilliant. Highly recommend!

Everyone’s schedule is filled to maximum capacity and often it’s hard to justify taking time for yourself amidst the chaos of daily life, trust me I get it. I pushed me-time to the wayside for most of 2019. But I also know for a FACT that when you prioritize self-care, you show up better for yourself and the people who depend on you.

My number one goal for this year is to live authentically and acknowledge when I need to set down that metaphoric load I’m carrying. I haven’t liked the way I’ve shown up in this year so far. I’ve felt anxious, tired and cranky. By easing the pressure on myself and structuring self-care time I hope to not feel as icky as I have this first week. To help accomplish that I’m going to experiment with having a very small list of goals for the year, but prioritizing mental wellbeing and happiness. I’ll still be working hard and making big moves, but I will be doing so mindfully.

Cheers to you, dear reader, and your best year yet.

Tax Tantrum

Ah, ‘tis the most taxing time of year – pun intended. I’ve always loved filing my taxes (because I always get money back, even when filing as a freelance artist), and this year I approached filing with the same enthusiasm. I had all my spreadsheets organized and ready to go and was eager to get (and invest) my refunds!

If you haven’t already inferred from the title, my taxes did not go at all as I planned.

I use TurboTax, which is a total godsend and very user friendly. Plus, the program has a fun, little money ticker on the side of the screen constantly adjusting based on your entries. It shows you in happy green numbers how much you will be refunded or it calculates in dark, angry red numbers how much you owe.

Usually the numbers start off in red before settling in the happy, green zone indicating a return. Thus, I try not to pay the numbers much mind until I get toward the end of filing. But as I approached the final pages of my entry, with red numbers still glaring prominently at me displaying a balance due of nearly $2,000…

Cue tantrum.

I wish I could say I took this surprise in stride and handled it maturely, but I would be lying to you, dear reader, and I don’t want to do that.

My chest began to tighten, my stomach dropped, and I repeatedly dragged my hands down my face as one does when in a state of overwhelm. Not only did I owe, but I also incurred a penalty for not filing quarterly which I am now required to do from this point forward.

I started whining: “This sucks! Taxes are stupid! This is unbelievable! Why is this happening? I always get money back! I had plans for that return!” My eyes teared up and there was a bit of profanity finally followed by the exclamation of, “I NEED A BIG GLASS OF WINE FOR THIS.”

Once I came to terms with the fact that my lovely tax refunds betrayed me and that I lost $2,000 instead of earning money like I anticipated, I endeavored to find the positive in the situation.

Looking over my documents I noticed that from 2017 to 2018 I more than doubled my income as an actor & model. MORE. THAN. DOUBLED. That is incredible growth for a business in the span of a year! A number of my projects had me on a W2 with taxes already taken out, which is definitely a luxury in the freelance world. I also realized more than half of my income came from projects filed on 1099s, which led to the fine and balance. However, more importantly perhaps, those 1099s came from exciting projects with some new clients but many repeat clients, which is cause for celebration!

The hit to my bank account hurt. A lot. Plus, now I have research to do about filing quarterly, which is a learning curve I did not anticipate nor desire. Whining aside, this all indicates growth. Oftentimes we mistake uncomfortable and annoying obstacles for inconveniences rather than recognize them as growth. It is a simple matter of perspective. By shifting perspective to consider an obstacle in a new way, and not lashing out in a tantrum like a big baby (*cough* like me *cough*), we might become more adept at recognizing the annoyances as growth worthy of celebration.

I learned a lot of lessons from this experience, but the most important one may be this: the next time an unforeseen obstacle comes along, look at it differently. I urge you to do the same, try not to react on instinct as that frequently turns out to be a negative response, but rather alter your perspective. If you do, you may be able to see you are growing!

The Most Important Thing

It’s no secret – we’re all itching to find the formula to success. We’re constantly scrolling through various articles touting the best tips for negotiating, proper business wardrobe, greatest resume formats, supplemental skills to acquire, and more. We’re hoping that by implementing all this research we can elicit success.

While these all play their own role in amassing success, I was recently reminded of one key element that is easily the most important.

But first, some backstory.

If you’re in the entertainment industry you know the first part of the new year is known as pilot season and is the busiest time in the television world. While shows that are already on the air gear up for the second half of their season, a whole new slew of shows emerge to film one episode. This one episode serves as a pitch package with the hope that it garners enough interest to be purchased and picked up as a series.

Emotions run high during pilot season; sleep is scarce, coffee is stocked by the barrel and practically everyone works. Some people work for the very first time and some work double time to finish out their regular shows and then hop on a pilot. It’s a beautiful and also insane time.

This was my first year as an active participant in pilot season. After a whirlwind of screen and lighting tests I was selected to be Rachelle Lefevre’s stand in for the duration of the pilot she was filming in Chicago. I auditioned in the morning with a couple other lovely redheaded ladies, and at the conclusion of the audition, just as I began to put on my coat, the 2nd Assistant Director pulled me aside to ask if I could stay for the rest of the day. And just like that, we were off.

**A quick definition for “stand in” – Production selects a person to be a stand in who resembles the principal actor as closely as possible in terms of height, weight, hair color/length and skin tone. A stand in watches the principal actor they’re in for as they rehearse a scene and memorizes their marks (blocking) ready to hold their place once rehearsal ends and the main actor steps out. As the main actor steps out, the stand in steps in so that cameras, lights and any additional technical equipment have a body to set up around. Setting up the equipment takes MUCH longer than you think it would so instead of having the principal actor stand there for 20 minutes or so, production uses stand ins. Stand ins fill their actor’s marks and also don the appropriate “color cover” – a shirt the same color as the actor’s wardrobe in the scene. Having a stand in also allows the actor to get hair/makeup touch ups, talk with the director or simply grab something to eat. Second team (the team of stand ins) will often go through a rehearsal with the crew and director to ensure everything is set up correctly, determine timing if the camera needs to move and make any blocking adjustments if needed (which the stand in then communicates to the principal actor when they return). Our team of stand ins also memorized the lines in the morning for the scenes scheduled to film that day. Most productions don’t request that second team be memorized but this production preferred it, and so every morning we’d get there early to get our sides for the day and memorize before filming started. So I guess it’s kind of similar to being an understudy in theatre but understanding you will never, ever have the chance to go on as that role.**

That first day after my morning audition was a prep day to experiment with lights, special effects and camera lenses to make the most of our time during official production days.

As I stepped out of one of the lighting set ups to let Rachelle in, the director of photography motioned me over. At first my stomach dropped, I thought I had messed up on the first day and was about to get a lecture.

He lowered his voice and asked, “Do you know why you got this job?”

I blankly stared back trying to come up with a response. Before I could construct an answer, he continued:

“Your attitude. Yes, you have the look but those other girls had the look too. But when you walked in, you smiled, you were warm, you shook my hand, you were engaged and focused. You paid attention. Your attitude – that is the most important thing.”

His explanation surprised me more than it should have. We all understand that one’s attitude has a tremendous effect on any scenario. Especially when things go wrong, as they often do, it makes a world of a difference to approach a situation with a positive and professional attitude. As you’re reading this you’re probably thinking to yourself, “Well, duh. Of course you need a good attitude. We all know this.” However, if we’re all honest with ourselves, when we’re reacting in the moment the first response isn’t always positive. When we’re tired and frustrated it isn’t easy to maintain a professional and optimistic manner, but it’s critical for success and must be practiced. And what’s awesome is that your attitude is a trait you can cultivate and enhance anytime and anywhere without spending a penny!

I’m working in an industry that appears to pit performers against one another in a competition of who’s the most talented, the prettiest, the most experienced, or the most connected. That emphasis is terrifying, off-putting and incites a deluge of limiting beliefs. If you only remember one message from this post let it be this: your talent or skill level does not matter if you’re unpleasant to work with. I’m not diminishing the need to train and grow one’s skill set as a performer, or in any career for that matter, but what I’m trying to communicate is a positive demeanor will help open more doors – and keep them open.

For a long time I held myself back from countless opportunities telling myself I wasn’t experienced enough, talented enough, qualified enough, and so on neglecting the power of my personality. I’m sure I’m not the only one to stunt myself in this way. If you’re holding yourself back because you feel you don’t have the right skills or experience, I hope this reminds you that your attitude carries more weight than you think. It speaks volumes and will help you get in the door as you continue to build your skill set to reach new levels of success. It truly is the most important thing.

Every Moment is a Resolution

I’m not a winter person. By any means. Never have been and never will be. But, boy do I love this time of year solely because December always holds such magic and power. Sure, it can be somewhat chaotic as we prepare for holiday gatherings and wrap up loose ends before the new year, but you have to admit, the air is charged with this intoxicating energy. Everyone’s looking toward the future and making resolutions; deciding how they want to show up in 2018. The coming new year is so shiny and pristine, completely untarnished and packaged with endless possibilities. Regardless of what happened during the past year, you’re now given a brand new, fresh year. It’s a great time to reflect, focus and center yourself before the coming year. While I love this time of year and am giddy with anticipation for what 2018 might bring, I just want to reiterate that you can have this restart sensation at any time.

We’ve all been there – we begin January feeling extra empowered and ready to make this THE year! This is the year that everything we’ve ever envisioned will happen and it will be stupendous! We all charge into the year determined to uphold every resolution! And maybe we’ll even find the cure for the common cold while we’re at it! Who knows! We’re unstoppable and ready to take on the year!

But inevitably, our superpower energy starts to wane. We might fall off the proverbial wagon. Maybe other unforeseen and uncontrollable circumstances come into effect. Or the life we envision for ourselves may require more patience and perseverance than initially anticipated. Whatever the case may be, the superpower energy that launched the new year dissipates and it becomes a struggle to find more.

Allow me to let you in on a little secret: Despite the societal emphasis that this power to restart occurs only once per year, remember that within every single moment YOU have the opportunity to redirect and reset as you need or desire. Yep. YOU. You have to ability to change course or get back on course whenever you like. It’s all you, my friend.

Allow yourself to feel this invigorating charge of the coming year and let it propel you into the new year, but remember to carry this unstoppable energy through to every single minute of 2018. The seasons will change and before we know it 2018 will be well underway. Understand that not only are you able to carry this energy with you constantly, but you are able to create this “new year sensation” for yourself any time. You have everything you need within you to have the most fantastic year and can recreate the energy you have at the cusp of 2018 for yourself every moment. You simply have to recognize this ability within yourself and pledge to recommit to your new year intentions multiple times throughout the year. Heck, sometimes you’ll have to recommit multiple times throughout the day. And trust me, that is A-OK.

I like to write (obviously) and I write down everything and anything I want to bring into my life. I tend to write the most at the end and beginning of the year as I evaluate my past year and define how I want to show up in the coming year. As I wrote out my vision and resolutions for 2018 I wrote this reminder for myself:

Resolution Quote

This mantra allows me to forgive myself when I don’t feel like things are working out. This mantra gives me an energy boost when I feel my drive begin to slow. This mantra reminds me to listen to myself and determine my next best move to keep moving forward and continue creating the best life for myself.

If this helps you, feel free to borrow it. Print it out and place it somewhere you’ll see it whenever you may need the reminder. Or use this as a starting point – modify it, make it your own. Write whatever suits you to remind yourself it doesn’t need to be January 1 for you to kick start your life.

Be good to yourself & cheers to the most magical 2018!

Not Like This

Two days ago a photographer (male) told me that “we could make some good pictures IF you can let go a bit. Push back the conservative and let out your crazy fun, sexy side that possibly you keep hidden. IF you can do that, I would love to see what we can create together.”

My feelings after reading this?

I. Was. Livid.

Let’s back up a bit. His project I submitted to was a portrait project showing various artists, men and women, photographed against a plain, white backdrop rocking their own vibe. In the casting description he listed that all body types, heights, vibes, hair colors, tattoos, piercings etc. were welcome to be a part of the project. I applied under those pretenses, wanting to bring my vibe to the project.

Nowhere in the casting did it say “looking for a sexy side”

I think it goes without saying that this request was totally unwarranted and extremely inappropriate, especially in light of the #MeToo campaign and the other stories that continue to surface.

You know what’s almost worse than his skeezy demeanor and lack of respect? The fact that I nearly went along with it. I almost responded back assuring him that I can bring sensuality to a shoot, eager to defend my talents as a model.

I also nearly responded by verbally ripping him a new one…but decided to rise above that.

I simply responded by saying that I felt this project no longer felt appropriate to lend my talents to. If he responds back baiting me, then I’ll happily shed some light on my reasoning and his inappropriateness. But honestly, I don’t have anything to prove to this guy and really I just wanted to move past this ASAP and get back to the many other clients who want to book me for me.

I’ve been doing this more and more lately. I’m putting my foot down on many opportunities and situations I feel are disrespectful, inappropriate or not up to my professional expectations. I’m ruffling feathers with every decline and each time I do part of me is worried I’m diminishing my reputation in this very small industry. I’m concerned that by advocating for myself I may end up becoming labeled as “difficult to work with” or “high maintenance.” The fact that a fear like that even exists within me (and many other artists) is a huge issue within itself.

Before I began my performance career I wrote out a mission statement for myself dictating what I want my “Becca Morello, Actor & Model” performer brand to convey. One component of my mission statement was:

“I aim to show others who want a career in the entertainment field that they can do so without losing themselves; without sacrificing their morals and integrity.”

I knew this part of my mission would be challenged the most, and this photographer is not the first challenger I’ve encountered. Although this was the first one that really got under my skin and made my blood boil. In reality I’m exceptionally lucky because most of the clients I work with are fantastic and courteous almost to a fault. Many artists encounter this much more frequently than I do, and that’s just disheartening.

When I set out on this path, I knew I wanted to do it in a way that didn’t negate my values. What I’ve learned is many photographers, directors, producers, etc. will push to see how far they can get you to go in the interest of “bringing you out of your comfort zone.” Trust me, I’m all about growth and challenging myself as a performer, but there is a time and a place for that. There needs to be a dialogue in place about the new level or circumstance being broached and a trusting relationship established between whomever is guiding the project and the performer.

Actors and models strive to tell stories, and their strongest tool in accomplishing that task is their body. Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, this translated to the objectification of women within the industry. Seriously, if I were a male model applying to this casting, do you think the photographer would have responded the way he did? Especially when the project never specified sensuality? No.

I’ve known of many performers, some on a personal level and some only from their work, who entered the industry intent on remaining true to themselves by selecting projects that depict them in the way they want to be seen. Most are able to maintain that…for a while. But then projects come across that are “too good to pass up” with “great exposure” backed by a “highly accredited team” and results in compromises. I want to show others that they can pursue this career without compromising their integrity, even if it means saying no and ruffling feathers. Furthermore, this should not be something we fear. Everyone has the option to say “No. Not like this” and pursue their goal through another avenue. It is my belief that the right avenues will always appear if you stand your ground.

As difficult as it sometimes is to stand up for myself and other entertainers, I will continue to stand by my morals. I know myself. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know what I bring to the table. I know where I need to grow and I know the circumstances in which I would like to grow. The unexpected boon of this experience is it reminds me that I always have to power to walk away. No matter how great an opportunity may sound, if it doesn’t feel right intuitively, there’s probably something wrong there. Those are instances where you should walk away and understand that the decision to walk away is perfectly acceptable. I am recommitting to my goal written in my mission statement and re-enforcing my right to say “No. Not like this.”

When it comes down to it, I’d much rather be known as the artist who isn’t afraid to advocate for herself. Even if it prompts some to label me as “difficult” or “conservative.” Even if it means passing up “incredible opportunities.” My work ethic, integrity and dedication to my craft will precede me and eventually connect me to the right people in this industry. The professionals I ultimately want to work with will be the ones who respect my stance, admire my self-awareness and ability to stand up for what I believe.

Here’s to proudly proclaiming, “No. Not like this.” Have you tried it lately?

Not Like This

Know Your Terms

One of my biggest goals for 2017: book a commercial. At the beginning of 2017 I had cultivated a modest number of acting/modeling credits to my name, and it seemed to me that booking a commercial would be the next big goal to work toward. I can’t tell you how long I’ve lusted over booking a commercial. Not only would it be a blast to shoot a commercial, but who knows what opportunities a commercial gig could create?

I’ve come close three times this year and watched each one of those opportunities slip by.

The first opportunity, I made it to the final round of casting but didn’t make the cut.

The second opportunity, I had a last-minute scheduling conflict.

The third and most recent opportunity, the production team and I couldn’t agree on the contract.

Allow me to elaborate on that third one.

A couple weeks ago, I responded to a casting call on Facebook (where I find many reputable casting calls actually) seeking actors for an insurance company commercial. It was a small project in the northern part of Illinois, about 100 miles away from my place near the city. Yes, there would be quite the commute involved and the rate of pay was practically pennies, but I liked the script, thought it sounded like a fun project, and I was intent on reaching this goal.

I submitted my taped auditions and the production company supporting the project emailed me back: I was booked for the commercial! Huzzah!

We emailed back and forth discussing wardrobe and scheduling options. I had yet to see a contract, but I wasn’t concerned! I was going to be in a commercial! I mentioned my achievement to a dear friend of mine, and her infinite wisdom urged me to request to see the contract ASAP and ensure the terms of usage were appropriate.

As she explained, if you’re not careful with your terms of usage on a project, a client could end up using your work forever (typically phrased as “in perpetuity” or “indefinite usage” in these contracts) and only pay you once for your work (total buyout). Furthermore, when an actor transitions from non-union to union status with an “in perpetuity” project on their resume, there’s a chance they can never do a project for a different business in the same type of industry as it is considered a conflict. So, if I were to go through with the commercial for this smaller insurance company and sign a contract allowing them to air it indefinitely, and in two years State Farm approaches me to do a commercial, there’s the possibility I wouldn’t be able to do it because my likeness was already associated with another insurance company; a competitor.  As far as my research says, most of these “indefinite use” projects are non-union, and the union has more stipulations in place to prevent this from happening. But for us little guys not at union status yet? You gotta know your facts and be careful.

With all this insight, I requested a contract from the company. They responded saying they wouldn’t draft an official contract for this project (strike 1) and sent a generic actor release form. In this release there weren’t any specific details about the commercial, no beginning air date or end date, except for “indefinite use” (strike 2). I communicated my concerns, and they responded with an addendum stating a maximum air date throughout Illinois only for 18 months, but the spot would be promoted online indefinitely (strike 3).

At this point I ran this by my agent, who knows I book a lot on my own as well as through her, heck she encourages it. It’s a very collaborative effort, which I’ve always valued and I often ask her opinion on projects I book on my own. I brought this scenario to her and her response was, “No. Just no. Absolutely not. They’re not using an agency for a reason. They’re hoping to take advantage of you. You’re worth more than what they’re offering.”

So I backed out of the gig. I was devastated to do so and felt awful about leaving this team without an actor, after I gave them my verbal commitment for the project. My decision was also continuously challenged when the production team emailed me back with a series of harshly toned and not exactly understanding messages…Although, I have to say their reaction to my concerns confirmed for me that it was not the right opportunity for me.

While this gig would have been a good milestone for me creatively, it would have been a bad business decision and could have potentially jeopardized future commercial opportunities. I’m running a business. Sure, it’s a creative and fun business, but it is still a business. It’s one that I devote myself to each and every day, building slowly each day, strengthening my foundation and growing my knowledge about the industry daily.  Could I have handled this differently? Absolutely. And thanks to this situation, I understand what to ask for moving forward during other negotiations. I also have a further understanding of the responsibility I have to myself and to my business to pursue opportunities that will propel my business forward. In addition to seeking projects that satisfy my creative desires, I must ensure that these projects also measure up in business terms. Understanding this balance between business and creativity, I acknowledge now that it is not only my duty, but my right as an entrepreneur to remove myself from a project when it doesn’t align with my terms and values. And as tough as it was, that’s exactly what I did. Well, after consulting with a few of my closest confidants who lent me their ears during this day of length negotiations, that’s exactly what I did.

Here’s the really eerie part – after I sent the final email declining the commercial spot, my agent called me with a booking for a commercial. Not a starring role, but a supporting role – complete with the proper terms of usage. Thanks, Universe.

After this experience, I am reminded to be patient – sometimes it’s not the best idea to jump for every opportunity. I am reminded to always get a second opinion when dealing with contracts, and that there isn’t anything wrong from backing away from a bad business deal. I am reminded to know my terms and stand by them, upholding them in every business interaction. I am reminded to listen to my gut and to trust that with hard work and perseverance the right opportunities will find themselves to you.

 

 

 

 

You are Worthy of the Stage Time

Earlier this year I had the privilege of auditioning for a show produced by a professional ensemble I’ve admired for years. This ensemble performs at the community college I attended and I watched many of their performances while I was a drama student there. Part of our drama curriculum was to study this ensemble and its performances. As a result, I became familiar with the troupe members and the other incredible credits they had attached to their names. I marveled at the caliber of each production, from both a technical perspective and a performer’s.

Holding them in as high a regard as I do, you can imagine my excitement when I was invited to audition for one of their upcoming productions. And you can probably imagine how that excitement grew when I was offered a role (full disclosure: I squealed like a little kid when they find out they’re going to Disneyland and then proceeded to dance around my living room for a solid 15 minutes).

Despite all my enthusiasm, I began to doubt myself and started to question everything about my casting and my performance ability. Before this production, it had been three years since I performed onstage and worked with other actors, aside from the little work you do with other performers in an audition room. Granted I was still working within the arts over the past three years, but to say I was feeling a bit rusty as a performer is a bit of an understatement.

I was pretty quiet and tense during those first few rehearsals, still getting my bearings and trying desperately not to mess up. In spite of my greatest efforts to conceal any nervousness and self-consciousness I felt, my skittish behavior began to translate into my acting…until the director gave me a note about it during rehearsal. Stopping me mid-scene he said,

“Becca, slow down your exits. You keep rushing your exits like you’re not worthy of the stage time. Take the stage time, it’s yours.”

Although I know it was a simple note from director to actor, those words continued to tumble through my mind throughout the whole production process. I had deemed myself unworthy of the opportunity; I was depriving myself of what I had earned. I was placing way too much pressure on myself and psyching myself out in every way imaginable. As I reflected on this exchange I couldn’t help but wonder how often do we all do this to ourselves? How often do we take ourselves out of the game before giving ourselves a chance to play because of our self-doubts and insecurities? And furthermore, how much more would we accomplish if we didn’t think this way?

One of the many reasons I love acting is that despite impersonating another character and living in a whole other world and story, I make so many discoveries about myself. Kind of ironic, isn’t it? When I realized what I was doing in rehearsal, I began to attack any thoughts of self-doubt the instant they popped into my brain. I used my director’s words to create one of my favorite personal mantras: “You are worthy of the stage time,” which I still use today, on and off stage. With those words in my head, my performing became so much better (at least I feel like it did). I began to open up more onstage and offstage. I began to make stronger choices for my character, connected more with my castmates and simply allowed myself to play, explore and grow in this opportunity instead of mentally hindering myself.

While this show closed months ago, those words continue to float through my mind to this day. If you earned something, TAKE IT. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that. Embrace it, celebrate it, learn from it. Stop depriving yourself of the spotlight when you’ve earned it! I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Certain circumstances may challenge us more than others, but I have no doubt that every single opportunity happens for a reason. Often when we push past the times we don’t feel entirely confident or prepared or simply ENOUGH we end up surprising ourselves and discover we already have exactly what we need within us to make the task ahead of us a success.

So this is your friendly reminder to banish any thoughts of unworthiness that may be rolling through your mind. Stop feeding the self-doubt. You are ready and more than enough for the next great opportunity coming your way. It’s time to show the world what you’ve got! And take it from me when I say: You are worthy of the stage time.

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